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Showing posts from 2011
Women's Readers Cafe Where readers and authors write

It's Elemental: Growing Pains: Yes there is growth in divorce

It's Elemental: Growing Pains: Yes there is growth in divorce: The communication between us is becoming singularly about the children. Reaching milestone ages and events in their lives cause me to face the inevitable day when there won't be a reason for us to have that relationship. That is part of the change and growth of a divorced parenting situation.

Growing Pains: Yes there is growth in divorce

I woke up one day and realized I am not interested in what my ex is doing with his wife, as long as it doesn't affect 1) my children; 2) my child support, and 3) my plans. This is a true growth moment.

Our teenage daughter is tall, growing more lithe by the day, and had her eyebrows waxed as a gift from her Aunt last week. She is getting older. Our 7 year old son is having 'talks' with his 12  year old cousin, and counseling him, usually ending in encouraging him to pray about the things that they have discussed. He is growing in faith and wisdom. They won't be babies forever.

Our children are what keep us in communication on a personal level, as divorced parents. We work hard to iron out communication differences between ourselves so that we can raise healthy happy children, because we already feel we have slighted them by failing at marriage. We deal with each other more kindly because of them, but there is also an underlying camaraderie between us while we parent to…

Trip to the Amusement Park: Focus on the Kids

I am writing this while waiting for my children to shower for church on a Sunday morning. Yesterday we went to Kings Island, THE amusement park to conquer every summer if you live anywhere near Cincinnati, Ohio. We do, so it is a must. In the past 2-however old my teenage daughter is, her wonderful Auntie has taken her on this delightful trip. Her Aunt is in hiding right now, (you will have to visit my other blog Black, Divorced & Virtuous for more on that) and has left these trips to me. Oh, hurrah, hurrah!

Yes, my parents made these trips with me yearly. Yes, I hated them. The trips, not my parents. The only part I ever really enjoyed was the then Hanna Barbera Land (Yogi, Boo Boo?) that has subsequently been Nickelodeon World and, to the chagrin of my teenager, is now Planet Snoopy. That was my magical kingdom.

You can imagine the anxiety of planning a full day at the amusement park with my 13-year-old daughter, 7-year-old son and 6-year-old nephew. Oh, and my 77-year-old mom. T…

nobody told me - Join the New Sexual Revolution

As books go 'nobody told me', by Pam Stenzel and Melissa Nesdahl, is groundbreaking. I wish I had 100 copies so I could give them to not only girls and boys, but men and women. The truth about sex and intimacy is hiding from America wrapped up in a scary word called education. When we educate ourselves about the myth that having sex is the defining act of adulthood and independence; the quickest way to instant gratification; or the way we say 'I love you',  we change the outcome of our lives.

In a Christian aspect, we get the true story about what sex is meant to be; in a non religious aspect, we get the truth about what sex has become.

There are some basic truths we need to accept, and any person who has had sex knows that they are just that: basic truths about sex.
There are physical consequences to having sex before marriageThere are emotional consequences to having sex before marriageThere are Spiritual consequences to having sex before marriage.It is okay to say th…

I AM the parent, You are the child or Train a Child Up

Okay, so yes, that is a little petulant and somewhat whiny; yet I find myself saying it to my 'tween daughter repeatedly.

"I am the parent, you are the child. Now, do what I asked you to do."
I give her an instruction and she either gives ME an 'better' idea or continues on with whatever important 'tween thing she was doing at the moment, as if what I was saying was optional. Then, when she does take up my command, she does it at the slowest pace imaginable to womankind, and with the least degree of follow through. This means I have to go back, repeat the instruction coupled with a threat, and get the 'sighs' from her as she marches off to do the chore or assignment again.

Recently, I have made progress at being a good disciplinarian with my children. I don't mean that I beat them senseless, but that I employ methods of discipline which they will take with them through life to set boundaries and limits when they are outside of my authority. This p…

Life Changing Moments

Okay, so by now you know that I am a reader of nearly any genre and/or topic. I have been reading since I was 4 years old. Reading, for me, is like thumb sucking (to which I also subscribed) - escapism. Opening the cover of a new book, or now - clicking to the first page of writing on my Nook, is one of the most exciting moments in life.

As such, you can imagine my horror when my current health challenges affected my vision. I was as panicky as a baby bird fallen from the nest in the path of a feral cat. I adjusted my glasses, got closer to the e-reader screen, brightened the light - anything that would allow me to see the words clearly on the screen. None of these things worked. I even enlarged the print, thinking maybe I am getting older even though mentally I feeeeeel 32. Still, unclear vision.

After a 10 minute deep breathing exercising that nearly ended in hyperventilation because nobody needs to deep breath for more than 3 minutes, I tried a 'real' book, only to find …
This story will keep you involved and on the edge of your seat until the very last chapter. Cameron Stracher pulls the reader into the story, and we are on the quest for answers and freedom with the main characters.

Imagine, in our world of immediate gratification, not being able to quench thirst or alleviate hunger at free will. Think of the plight of a homeless person, except personified by 1 million and spread to the multitude. That is the result of a world ravaged by environmental abuse and war in Stracher’s “The Water Wars”.

In a United States with only 10 remaining republics and limited clean water sources ruled by capitalist conglomerates, real H20 is for the elite, and those who have the talent to find it. The rest of the population is relegated to water rations and synthetically created foods. They are dying off, unless they can be used to mine for real water. With no real communication except that supplied by the so-called government, they are mind washed to believe there is…

Patience is a Mother.....virtue...

I birthed my children late in life. There are both advantages and disadvantages to this phenomenon. I have more patience than when I was 20 or 25 years old. I fear that I would have smacked my 6 year old back into the birth canal at the age of 18, having to help him through this simple math, which he has done three nights a week. "Repetition only works if you work it." I tell him this as if he is in a 12 step program.

Tonight I am feeling slightly under the weather, which cuts my patience by 1/4 and tolerance by 1/2. I pull out my Dad's old leather belt and sit it between us. Elijah looks at it, because he knows I never do this unless I am going to use it. I reserve that decision for times when you may have mortally injured yourself or someone else with your actions. Tonight, I am the 'someone else.'
(Pause for station identification: I am a terrible disciplinarian, but I do believe that it is my responsibility to whip my child's behind if he/she puts himsel…

Tied to the Planner...

I sat down in the big easy armchair and laid my head back. I was generally at ease for a few minutes. But, like most people, my fruitfulness is self measured by achievements that can be crossed-off, highlighted, or moved to the next day's agenda list. Some popular planning system with the initials FC is the devil. My life is tied to the planning system, it is a mind focusing, detail oriented, Task Master. I am lost without it. And I have only myself to blame. I was always a list maker, from childhood. My short term memory is for the birds, and prioritization on paper helps me stop bits and pieces of information from swirling in my  head. If I don't make a list, I will be trying to remember what I needed to do, only my mind acts kind of ADD'ish when it comes to that.

In any event, it was logical for me to grab onto this popular planning system and all the great time management and project management training, right. Already a list taker. Check. Needs to prioritize. Check. Ca…

The Mommy Punk

So, tonight I participated in a focus group for a local parenting magazine and website. My children got to play for 2 hours at one of their favorite venues, and I got to sit with like minded people and listen and interact. I loved the social interaction, and even made some good contacts. I was also surprised to see a good friend who worked for the parent company of the magazine. Plus, they had food. That was a win/win situation.

After two hours, I went to collect my kids from their playtime. Of course, Bobbi had made new friends who knew her by name. And ELIJAH was stripped down to his first layer of t-shirts. He has taken to layering t-shirts over his undershirt, and tonight being no different, was down to the crayon blue Phat Pharm t-shirt. His jacket was sitting at the area entrance desk, and he was holding his first layer t-shirt in his hand. I was wondering why my child had stripped when he handed me a soaking wet t-shirt, and said in a giddy voice "Mom, I played in the wat…

Purpose: present in the midst of the storm

Randy Alcorn's The Goodness of God: Assurance of Purpose in the Midst of Suffering is a classic look at living Christ like through pain and suffering.
He has joined the spiritual context with a modern dictum and personal experiences on walking out kingdom purpose in the presence of pain. I doubt that anyone who has suffered anything can come away from this reading without having left some heaviness behind, and gained a sense of renewed purpose.

Alcorn does not wax poetic about the real pain those who suffer endure, but thoroughly provides scripture reference that allows every believer, as well as non believers, to find that God will use even our most painful moments to create an avenue of salvation for somebody, somewhere. He provides for us the basis of God's purpose in us: to draw all men unto Him to receive salvation. To create an eternity opportunity for a lost soul. To save us.

Conveying this ultimate truth, Alcorn gingerly expounds on the way God uses our suffering and…

Little things that make me ask Who Does That?

I just want to talk, real quickly, about the meaning of the word 'eleven' and America's proclivity to take anything harmless and turn it into something self fulfilling and eventually, deadly or debasing. It is like corn on the cob - here is a simple food. But in America, you can get it deep fried, rolled in butter, and salted. Who does that? We do.

Back to the number eleven. It means 'one left over' or 'one over ten'. There is even a term 'elevenses' that refer to a mid-morning snack (after 10 before lunch - i.e. - one after ten). Check this out.
In England, the term “elevenses” refers to a mid-morning snack, such as biscuits with a cup of tea. The Spanish term las onces, “the elevens,” also refers to a refreshment taken around 11.
Eleven brings the gift of spiritual inheritance, is gifted as the "Light-Bearer". It is the number of the Light within all. Strengthened by the love of Peace, gentleness, sensitivity …

Bloodlines...familiy through thick and thin?

Oh the tangled web we weave, when at first we do deceive...the new addition to Dasaya Cates novels, Bloodlines, is a tale of deception and deliverance. We have all heard about bloodlines, family ties, and the deadliness of family secrets. Or how about the epitaph "What happens at home stays at home?" Cates unravels the reality of the impact secrets have on every party whether the keeper or the ones kept in the dark.

Cates writing pulls us into an intriguing family of wealth and prestige, with a secret. Several dynamics are at hand, and rhetorically, Cates touches upon the idea that our behavior is learned and trickles from the head (parents) down (generational). While Lena, the matriarch of this family, protects her own secret closet by any means necessary, her son is on a journey of secret building in his own life that could be catastrophic to the family name.

It is immediately clear to the reader, when Reynolds Bryden Colby Lang is stuttering over his vows to the beautifu…

Gods ways are Higher than ours: The Pirate Queen, a book review

Patricia Hickman has captured such an important message for readers – God can and will change an impossible situation into a blessed situation, in real time. Giving the reader both hope and promise, Hickman subtly spins the tale of God breathing life back into something dry. The Pirate Queen starts roughly, but it shortly segues into a well written story that makes the reader become engaged with this family, rooting them on, pulling them back, but most of all, waiting for the unfolding of the blessing with each turn of the page. Saphora Warren is at the pinnacle of a life spent compromising herself and love for the well being of her familial relationships. Although she can recall falling in love with her husband, it is his character flaws that have changed their marriage into a quiet, well decorated prison. Saphora is a privileged woman by all accounts and a good wife and mother – but she has lost herself in all of these pursuits. Her husband, Dr. Bender Warren, shows no tenderness to…