Growing Pains: Yes there is growth in divorce

I woke up one day and realized I am not interested in what my ex is doing with his wife, as long as it doesn't affect 1) my children; 2) my child support, and 3) my plans. This is a true growth moment.

Our teenage daughter is tall, growing more lithe by the day, and had her eyebrows waxed as a gift from her Aunt last week. She is getting older. Our 7 year old son is having 'talks' with his 12  year old cousin, and counseling him, usually ending in encouraging him to pray about the things that they have discussed. He is growing in faith and wisdom. They won't be babies forever.

Our children are what keep us in communication on a personal level, as divorced parents. We work hard to iron out communication differences between ourselves so that we can raise healthy happy children, because we already feel we have slighted them by failing at marriage. We deal with each other more kindly because of them, but there is also an underlying camaraderie between us while we parent together. Small triumphs, victories, laughter over funny moments, joy over successes. Moments parents share in.

Slowly but surely, the relationship becomes more about the children and less about what we had together as a family before the divorce. The communication between us is becoming singularly about the children. Reaching milestone ages and events in their lives cause me to face the inevitable day when there won't be a reason for us to have that relationship. That is part of the change and growth of a divorced parenting situation.

This also got me thinking in terms of how I want to spend the latter years of my life. Do I want to be married again? I know I asked that question of myself a few posts ago, but I have to be sure I am being honest with myself. In my pondering, a better question is am I ready to date. I found out after asking myself a few real questions that I am not. I haven't reached that growth point yet. It would be unfair and selfish of me to date anyone if the purpose of dating is to entertain a possible future relationship. I am currently unwilling to give even 50% of my attention to another person.

So, while growth comes on some levels, it remains stunted on others. Living divorced is a continuous journey of revelations and successes. And some setbacks. But it is yet living.

It's Your Shine.....

Do you have a blessed intellectual talented charismatic holistic personality? You have a few bonafide friends, lots of associates, and only one true confidante. You are the go-to person. Mostly, you like to build relationships, but you find that others are often unreliable in relationships. They start out with good intentions but they find something that they need to change about you down the road and it becomes detrimental to the alliance, unless you are willing to take repeated malignment (by the way, this is an abusive relationship - get out).
 
While your efficient proactive consistent personality attracts the attention of others, it also compels them to challenge you. At times, it also seems to fill others with the desire to bend you to their will – or, in short – to change you. Then, when they cannot because of the dynamics of your transformer like personality, when all parts are working together, they begin to think of you – and I dare say – refer to you, as its acronym: Blessed Intellectual Talented Charismatic Holistic?

 

Let’s talk about it. It’s Elemental.

 

I can relate. Having confident characteristics is not something you have done; it is something you have been gifted with. It is not to be conceited, nor loud and pushy. It is but to walk in grace and knowledge, with discernment -- and to apply those with understanding. Having done those repeatedly, attention will be drawn to you. Not of your own doing, but because of what is being done through and in you. My made up conglomerate business owner friend Opulence would say through your higher power. I am going to tell you the truth – it is a gift of God.

 

When you are young or even older and don’t know what wonderful and reverent gifts you have, you may find that you have a hard time making and keeping friends, especially of the same sex. You may find that the opposite sex is attracted to you, pulled to you even – and almost reverent of everything you say or do – until they have consumed of your gift. Then, the desire to reverence will transform into the desire to cage or change those gifts. Mostly, this is because they were never drawn to you for the purpose of consuming your gifts, but for the purpose of your gifts put to use.

 
You may also find that these qualities frighten you, because you don’t understand them. Faith without works is dead, and works without faith is dead. The whole thing was doomed from the gate if you don't have some knowledge and understanding about who and whose you are. Ultimately, the end is destruction because you don’t know who you are, and what you are made of – and those that are drawn to you just want to possess your gifts.

 

That is why, and finally we get to these points, it is essential to:

a. Know who we are – every person needs the knowledgeable understanding of who they are – in whose image are you created?

b. Know as much about your history as you possibly can – knowing the history of you and of your family helps you gain an understanding of your characteristics.

c. Understand that your personality, your characteristics are a gift of God. Find out that if God gives you a gift, if has a purpose. People are drawn to you for the USE of your gift, not the CONSUMPTION of your gift. When you consume something that is not yours, it makes you sick.

d. Do not…wait, let me do that again. DO NOT let anyone else define who you are. No man or woman holds the definition of you. And don’t bend and buckle and apologize for the wonder of who you are because they don’t shine.

e. Teach these understandings from the womb to the cradle, to the classroom, to the curbside, and on…. 

That’s what’s on my mind, and It’s Elemental. What are you thinking about?